Desert days

Today I stumbled on some notes I took during a sermon a few years back, it was entitled " Do's and don't-s -- During your desert days ". I'm pretty sure everyone had a season of dryness, a season where nothing seems to be happening, where activity seem abuzz but satisfaction or purpose seem to be absent. Don't fret, here's a little something to help you along the way.

DON'T.....

1. Don't lose your balance
2. Don't make irreversible decisions during emotional low times, or rather, don't make rash decisions. 
3. Don't isolate yourself through disappointment!
4. Don't doubt in darkness what God has shown you in the light!
5. Don't lose your confidence in God
6. Don't lose your joy!
7. Don't stay in the corner through disappointment

DO....

1. Let your disappointment lead you to God
2. Make a quality decision to help people in need
3. Guard your emotional energy against emotional leaks
4. Use your desert time to get a clearer calling or goals
5. Cast your care upon God
6. Be patient with God and let patience complete it's perfect work
7. Realise that obstacles are part of God's purpose to mould and empower us

When boy meets girl

I don't believe in coincidences nor do I even believe in luck. Everything happens for a reason, big or small, you name it all. And in the clichéd words of the many who have possibly written something like this before, it started with a hello ;)

“The moment you fall in love feels like it has centuries behind it, generations - all of them rearranging themselves so this precise, remarkable intersection could happen. In your heart, in your bones, no matter how silly you know it is, you feel that everything has been leading to this, all the secret arrows were pointing here, the universe and time itself crafted this long ago, and you are just now realizing it, you are just now arriving at the place you were always meant to be.”  - David Levithan, Every Day

Traveller

In a recent post which I happened to chance upon on my facebook feed, there was an article which mentioned of the possibilities that humans beings (us) are not native to this planet. It mentioned of the many ailments that continue to afflict us as we strive to live on this floating piece of rock we call earth. Obviously, I find the article to be a complete joke as it's purely based on speculation. However, from another perspective, is it a joke or is there an ounce of truth to be gleaned from this article.

For I am a stranger with You,
A sojourner, as all my fathers were. 

For all the passing years in this humanly existence, I find myself, alone (in terms of human to human connections). Though you may beg to disagree but under the guise of existentialism, do you not groan in anguish of heart. Does anyone truly understand and feel like they belong in this hostile world which hides itself in its blanket of familiarity and ignorance. Some may say that friends and family do understand, but when you stop trying, does the relationship stop too?

We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone. - Orson Welles

Where do you belong?
Where do you belong when no human mind can comprehend the inner workings of your own soul.
Where do you belong when the tears are flowing and the silent cries fill the empty night.
Where do you belong when all you see are just people passing by in the happiness of their own bankroll.
Where do you belong when all you come back to is to just wait for passing by of another night.

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

Who and where can I seek help from?
Who can I seek help from while seeing the many around me struggling in their own path
Where do I seek help from in this mess of a world, where people just consider you a burden

I look up to the mountains
    does my help come from there?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth!

I am but a traveler in this foreign and strange world waiting for the time to come when He will come to bring me home.

Monologue Monday

*knock*

*knock*

*knock*

Who's there? Anyone?

---------

Ah it's you! Didn't see you there, come on in, must've been some pretty rough traffic coming here. I heard over the radio that there were some road accidents causing a crawl. 

---------

*plop* Is that enough sugar you have in your cocoa? I've got some marshmallows if you fancy. The secret to longevity some say *wide grin* So what do I owe for a fine lad like you visiting an old geezer like me in this horrid weather. I must say that it was pleasant surprise, the scones you brought the other day were dandy! Went perfect with the tea I ordered from Gujarat. It's in India, if you didn't realise. The spot where me and my lovely... ah.. forgive this old fool for blabbering on. How was your day?

---------

Oh is that so? The trailer drove off the road? Those wretched drivers, I really don't know where'd they get their licenses from. Probably bought them, if you ask me. There's not a single day where they don't cause a fuss, they just can't bloody drive properly. My blood boils thinking of them.

---------
Alright alright, I'll cool down. Anger does no good to this old heart. How was the rest of the day?

Boldness

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen events, meetings and material assistance which no one could have dreamed would have come their way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now!”

- W. H Murray

Dreams

.. we returned to the rally point. It was complete, our last job. We were greeted by an empty park which seemed silent beyond words.

" So, what are your plans after this? " I said.
" What else is there to plan, see my wife and kids obviously! I don't know about you, but this job made me realise that I can't be doing this forever. The thought of one day not being able to come home to see their warm smiles strikes a chord in me, " he muttered.
" Haha, Mr tough guy mellowing up eh, talking about the little devils, your kids are over there," I said toyingly.
" Oh, stop it you.. *ufff*.. Hey jack, how many times do i have to tell you not to head butt me on the family jewels ". He lifted his son up and proceeded to greet his wife and his daughter with one big hug. Fitting, for a man of his size. Sometimes I wonder of how'd he even find such a petite wife who seems to not mind his, well, rough mannerism.

" Good morning my dear, I hope this big brute here didn't get in the way of the assignment like he always does " as I was greeted by the warm smile of Marty's wife. "Like I always say Mary, he's the brains and I'm the brawn," as my partner tried to defend himself, only to be greeted with a playful belittling chuckle from his wife. They were madly in love with each other, it was pretty obvious to anyone who talked to them.
" Alright, shall we go and get ourselves some pancakes with the kids, Mary? We wouldn't want to take Wilson's precious time away. After all, he'd want to see his beloved wife doesn't he. hahahaha, " said Marty with a big hearty laugh.
" Good day to you then Wilson, do drop by for some dinner when you have the time " mentioned Mary.
I nodded and smiled as they made their way across the park towards their car.

" HEY WILSON! TAKE CARE BUDDY ", shouted Marty as he waved goodbye.

I strolled along the park, looking for that special spot where she would always be, waiting for me. With the sight of falling leaves everywhere, I realised that it was autumn which gave the park a rustic charm about it. Especially with the serene lake which covered the major portion of the park, reflecting the soft rays of sun, orchestrating a light display on the trees surrounding it.

There she was, fast asleep on the bench. She must've waited quite a while, I thought to myself. I proceeded to greet her with a soft whisper to her ears," Hey, it's time to wake up darling ". She proceeded to let out a long yawn, well, she wasn't exactly the most graceful person when it came to waking up.
" You sure did take your time ", she said while rubbing her eyes and giving a half yawn.
" Well the job this time was pretty tough, but it's fine, there aren't any more after this", I said as I looked into her eyes with a smile. She smiled back in acknowledgement. She had been waiting for this moment, all these years, the moment where we could just spend our days together forever without any worries of whether I'd be there to greet her at the same ol' spot in the park after each assignment.

We gazed at each other with our hands held tightly together, fearing that this moment was only a fleeting dream, we wanted this moment to last. From the first time I met her, I've always been attracted to her eyes. Those beautiful eyes which seemed so soft and inviting to gaze. Those eyes which make all wrongs to become right. Those tender eyes which makes you utter.. I'm home.

Just as we were prepared to make our way back, a mother and his son seemed to be looking at us with a searching gaze.
" Hey mum, I thought I saw two people here, where did they go? " said the son.
" It must be your imagination, there's no one here," said the mother. They walked away while looking back occasionally at where we were standing.

Our hearts sank. Time seemed to be running out. After all these hard years, couldn't we just spend some time together for once.
" We've lived that long huh," she said in a soft manner.
" I believe so, it's like we've become ghosts or phantoms," I said in a dejected manner.
" What if one day, I became invisible to you and we'd not be able to hold each other any more, nor can we talk to each other face to face, nor can we look at each other's eyes like we are doing right now, " she asked as tears started to roll down her cheeks.
" Even if that day were to come, I'd still love you with all my heart. I would come to this bench every day in every season in hopes that I'd see you here waiting for me," I said as tears started to stream down from my eyes as well. "After all, I'd be waiting expectantly for the messages through the phone because I know, you'll always be there" I added with a faint smile.

No more words were needed to explain the depth of love we had for each other. As we looked at each other, both teary eyed, we began to walk home, grasping our hands tightly, not wanting to let go, fearing that at any moment, we would disappear from each other's plain sight.

There we were, two phantoms of time, making our way up the stairways of the park, disappearing with each passing moment.

"Darling, I'll always love yo....", she said in the faintest voice. She was gone.

"Don't worry, I'll be there soon my love", I said, kneeling down in tears.

Clean slate

Romantic relationships. It's a blessing and it's a bane. All at the same time.

It's been a couple of years since my last relationship, plenty of close calls in between which never materialized.
A handful of times where my heart was crushed to smithereens and a handful of times where I did the same to others. All these, shall I say occurrences, leaving a baggage in the heart.
Baggages continue to pile as time passes, some big, some small and some you won't notice at all, but still there occupying a space.

I've wronged, I've been wronged but alas all the same, still the same sad ol' song. 

To those whom I have wronged, forgive me for my stupidity and ignorance. I for one, did not mean to do the things that had broken your heart. I hope that you find the grace to forgive me and move on.

To those who have wronged me. For the sleepless nights. For the tears that will never see the light. For everything and anything that is holding you back. With all my heart, I forgive you.

So, here's goodbye to the feelings in the past and here's hello to the possibilities of the future.

Musings

Seasons come and they go. We're all on mountain highs and the next thing, we're at valley lows.

Storms come once a year, or maybe more. The scary thing is not knowing if this calm is after or before the storm. Doesn't really matter. No it doesn't. I suppose. It's because we're all sailors. Sailing on a ship called hope. With the cross shaped mass draped in a sail made of purpose which drives us on the wind called destiny. Sailors who thirst for adventures beyond the normalities of the things which drives us to the point of being absurd. But it's fine right? Definitely, why wouldn't we be fine if the Captain is none other than Jesus. But it still won't be easy. Towering waves will still come. But the hope won't sink and the cross will never be broken. A purpose driven by the ever changing destiny but nothing can escape the Captain's eye who steers us forward along the ocean. An ocean called life. The ends of the ocean waiting to reveal itself as we await the Captain to shout along the arrival of an eternal age of glory. 

Bookmarks!

Watching the clock tick while having absolutely nothing to do in the office can be an excruciating thing to do, so what should you do to spend your time? Read of course! Here's a link to a few of the sites I visit quite often.

1. One of my favourite sites for every skill a man needs, and they do come out with particularly good articles especially the one entitled "The Majesty of Strength" < The majesty of strength >
2. Who said Christianity related things were boring, here's a comic strip to prove you wrong!
   < http://adam4d.com/ >
3. After all the fun clicking on page of wikipedia after another in your office, get kicked back into your sense with a dose of reality and responsibility with this article "How to glorify God at work" < how-to-glorify-god-at-work >
4. Yeah i know, it's not an article, well listen to it while you read the links above then! heehee. This song has been stuck in my head for awhile now! Introducing.... *drum rolls* Gerald Ko singing a cover for the song (You exist in my song)  < "我的歌聲裡" >
5. Dead man's poem! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nnu3L-Grn-0

kthxbai

Questions of Identity

I am, therefore I do
I do, therefore I am

Are your actions and works based on your identity?
or

Is your identity based on your actions and works?

If one day, you stop doing a certain set of actions, does that invalidate your identity?

Look in the mirror, look at yourself.
Think.
Who are you?

When pushed to the absolute pits of helplessness, what is the basis of your will to live? Fear?
What is your life's dogma?
Why are you on this planet? Just another mere existence waiting to perish?
Do you believe that you have a great destiny? What is the basis of your belief?

So, what is your identity?

So many questions.
Only one answer.

The heart so wretched

I felt the breeze of the mountain top,

The muddiness of life slowly washed away as the rain drop,

Life's why's, the if's and the what's

Traded in the serenity of a lonely tear drop.

As we make our way down from this stop,

Did we ever wonder what that muddiness was all about,

Striving each day to fulfil the never ending wants,

The joy of freedom for the chains of the world, we swap.

We read God's word like a mythical fable from Aesop,

Going to the words of comfort and treating it like how a fickle woman window-shop,

Avoiding the truth which we need to confront,

Confession of the downtrodden soul and the wretched heart.

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God

As the Father's voice gives us a prod,

The soul laud, and the heart thaws.

For I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

Joy

Blinded by the devil's ploy,

Being played by the wicked plans like an helpless toy,

The devil's only purpose being to steal, kill and destroy.

But remember, God's plan is sovereign,

We are His children which He will never abandon,

He lifts us up when we are heavy laden.

From the maddening depression,

To the very limit of alluring temptation,

I endured patiently in this wretched prison.

Came one day, I heard a whisper from heaven,

Felt like soothing rain from the living waters of His fountain,

A much sought after encounter in the mountain of Zion

I found joy in the midst of ruin.

Anchored in Christ

Taken from Our Daily Bread, 15/8/2013.

We have an anchor that keeps the soul,
Steadfast and sure while the billows roll;
Fastened to the Rock which cannot move,
Grounded firm and deep in the Savior’s love.

Past & Present

So how has working been?

It's been about 3 months since I started out my job and these past few weeks has been an especially trying time for me in an emotional, social and spiritual sense. The whole phase of getting excited over starting a new step in my career was dying down on me which made me think that it's entirely normal for the majority of people working out there.

This "settling down" period scared me, I didn't believe in settling down for mediocrity especially with my high flying dreams and passions for my career. I was scared at the idea that one day, I would wake up dreading to go to work. I wanted to be constantly challenged at work, to encounter new things and experiences, to pave a way and lay the sturdiest foundations for my future. I demanded 110% from myself in work hours, to be as efficient as possible in doing all my tasks and to not miss a single thing, to not leave myself vulnerable to any possible mistakes at all in the work that I do, to learn all I can learn from any resource available to make myself better at this job.

All this left a heavy toll to my emotional and psychological well being. The feeling of wanting to be perfect in every job was born from the fact that I feared failures. To fear the future consequences and possibilities of failure. Next thing I knew, I was suffering from depression. It took me awhile to recognise this fact.

What was different in this period of time?

My outlook on life became more dim. I became alarmingly cynical of what people said and also what they did not say. I felt that people thought that all these "successful" things in my job made me a boastful person when I talk about it. I didn't feel like sharing these things any more cause it'd only make people spiteful right?
I didn't feel like talking about my job any more. Any queries to my job would be answered with the usual, "Yeah things are looking alright I guess".

Talking to God about these things made it momentarily fine, but the depression would just come flooding in again when I wake up. For the first time in awhile, I felt lonely.

It wasn't fun, it hurt. But being the egoistical man I am, I would never admit to such things. I mean c'mon, depression? depression are for pussies. Real men don't get depression.

But yeah, they do. I don't know what has changed for the past few days, but I'm getting better. In God's mercy and grace, I shall strive on.

This whole experience made me relate to the psalm 143 written by David.

Perhaps, all this experience is a fulfilment to the prayer of making me like David, a man after God's own heart.

Flight

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint

Isaiah 40:31

Psalm 143

Come quickly, Lord, and answer me,

for my depression deepens,

Don't turn away from me,

or I will die.

The value of hard work

If a man is called be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakesphere wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well. 
- Martin Luther King, Jr. 

There's no such thing as a redundant job, the job is what you make of it. 

"Let not the finite limits of your job dictate your effort but let your infinite and utmost limits in God define your job" 

Emptiness amidst fulfilment

With each stride forward or back, we leave footprints in the soil of our heart,

With every step we take, it leaves a deep indentation on our heart and our soul,

A hollow mark waiting to be filled, yet... I ask, what can fill it?

Success? Passion? Enthusiasm? Commendation? 

As the wind of memories pass over these holes, it whistles a song,

A song of the marching footprints, a song of it's hollowness,

With every note heard, the heart breaks a little,

What am I doing wrong? What am I doing right? Insecurities build up. 

Is it not merely just emptiness in the wake of success?

With every thought of being a salt and light amongst my colleagues and friends. I am made to think about the things I say, the things I do, on trying to keep everyone happy but it's just beyond my limit in these things. Sometimes I'm guilty of momentarily subscribing to the devil's lie that people to a certain degree, are just cynical to whatever good news I bring. If success breeds jealousy, what is the entire point?

These are the times when I'm reminded that success means nothing without the fulfilment and purpose in life that God can bring. Also times when I'm reminded that the Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer. The times when I'm reminded that my success is to the Lord's glory and not to mine.

The reminder that even Jesus had it bad with his own community he grew up in as a man. A reminder of the cross I will have to bear in my life with His strength.These are also the times where I'm thankful for the favour He has shown in my life.

Politics 101

*Taken from a site*

A little boy goes to see his dad and says, "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

His father replies, "Sure, son. What's the question?"

The little boy says, "What is politics?"

"Well son, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me 'Gordon Brown.' Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her 'Alistair Darling.' We take care of your needs, so we'll call you 'The People.' We'll call the maid 'The Working Class,' and your baby brother we can call 'The Future.' Do you understand, son?

"I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."

That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his nappy, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.

"Dad, now I think I understand what politics is."

"Good, son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"

"Well, dad, while Gordon Brown is screwing the Working Class, Alistair Darling is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit.

You're old.. enough.

The hugely "awaited" late twenties.

The age where the numbers after 21 don't matter no more and our birthday motto magically becomes "21 forever"

The age where we're all sucked into a cynical cycle of capitalism and paying for things we don't need like a gym membership which I don't have, HAH! *victory dance*

The age where we become increasingly cynical ourselves, not trusting our colleagues with our own stapler at work. 

The age when you face the reality that your childhood dream of earning your first billion before 30 is just another figment of your wonderful imagination unless you're living in Vietnam trading in Dong. 

The age where we begin asking people boring first questions like the famous "How's work?" and the topic of every conversation would be about the stresses of work.

The age where we look at younger people who are hugely successful and wonder where we went wrong along the way.

The age where we listen to the latest hit charts and also wonder where it all went wrong along the way.

The age where we proudly tell the younger folk about the "battle scars aka cane marks" we used to have when we did something wrong when we were their age.

And also the age where we look at the teenage generation and mutter under our breath "Hoho, you ain't seen nothing yet young blood, wait till you reach my age.."

The age where skinny jeans is still unacceptable by my standards.

The age where we realise that every single bite of the cake tonight goes straight to our belly the next morning.

The age where people often find themselves in either one side or the other side of eternal glorious bondage.. i mean marriage. Can i hear an Amen from the single people? nyehehehehhehe. 

The age where staying up this late warrants for trouble at waking up for work the next day.

Okay. time to be a responsible adult in the late twenties. time to sleep.

Worlds Apart - Jars Of Clay

I look beyond the empty cross

forgetting what my life has cost

and wipe away the crimson stains

and dull the nails that still remain

More and more I need you now,

I owe you more each passing hour

the battle between grace and pride

I gave up not so long ago

So steal my heart and take the pain

and wash the feet and cleanse my pride

take the selfish, take the weak,and all the things I cannot hide

take the beauty, take my tears

the sin-soaked heart and make it yours

take my world all apart

take it now, 

take it now

and serve the ones that I despise

speak the words I can't deny

watch the world I used to lovef

all to dust and thrown away

Jam jam jam

Jam oh jam, how far from terrific,

If you're not the type to be slabbed on a piece of pancake,

You make life rot away like an incurable epidemic,

And certainly caused many legs with many aches,

And let's not forget the grumbling stomachs,

The sea of red lights which is a view so scenic,

The problem is that the view becomes so static,

That you make me wish that I was a wizard who can fly away with a broomstick,

But all is not loss if I'm able to chat with a spirited and cute chick,

So I do count my blessings, but all this writing is making me carsick.
HEEHEE

Writing stuff

I've totally lost my mojo for writing things. Lately I have been humming random tunes and putting random lyrics into them, maybe I should write some songs haha. It would definitely help if I could play the guitar better to identify the notes to write. meh.

Currently I'm contributing to the percentage of unemployment rate in Malaysia. I pray for emails of replies to start rolling in soon, I need a job. Maybe this is the time to close chapters on things on life that I have to move on from. I'll know soon.

フォワード

Looking at the experience of the past
I saw how I changed as a person.

Looking at the baggage I left behind.
I saw; i felt, the relief and healing.

Looking to the future.
I saw hope and victories.

Looking to the relationships.
I saw the many possibilities but never the certainty.

Looking at my family and friends
I saw their love for me and how blessed I was.

Looking to Him.
I saw the only thing I ever needed.

Where's our home?

Phillip phillips - Home

Whilst listening to my current favourite song of the season for the 93984203th time; the lyrics just struck me. God can speak through anything! Be it the secular or non-secular things which you listen, watch or read.

Hold on, to me as we go

As we roll down this unfamiliar road

And although this wave is stringing us along

Just know you're not alone

Cause I'm going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear

Don't pay no mind to the demons

They fill you with fear

The trouble it might drag you down

If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone

Cause I'm going to make this place your home

The lyrics remind me of how I see myself; going down a road unfamiliar.

How'd I know I'm not alone? He is my "home", my refuge, my fortress.

Settle down, don't be impatient on hearing for His guidance.

Don't listen to the lies of those who think they know best, causing insecurity and fear in the heart.

But at the end of the day, the Lord is always with you.

I know, this post is retarded-ly written. I ain't go no writing mojo for the moment, it's late.

kthxbai.

goodnight.

An old post v2

Another draft in my email. Written when I was interning in TYCO. I'm actually inspired by my past, the spirit and hunger to succeed; where did it go? It's time to wake up!


I had a talk with the product manager of Tyco SEA, It was truly an inspiring and humbling experience indeed.

I had the opportunities to ask on the aspects of success and the relevance of my degree in the market. In the end of the day, its not the matter of the degree, although it does in some ways, but it is a matter of a self driven will to want to learn and improve oneself. The road to success is paved with thorns, but one has to look at what these thorns would do in educating us in being a better prospective person in terms of knowledge and character.

Stop saying and asking things like what can i do? But make an initiative and plan on things that you can actually do. It may sound hard to do but its a sure method of improving oneself.

Another aspect to it would be to plan, regardless of success or failure. To plan is to learn from outcomes, to omit to plan is to plan for un-educative failures. 

Character: Humility and a drive to learn.

Ancora Impora : I'm still learning!

On to the current market, creations are sparse and innovations are slowing down but the new market which is uprising would be the importance of informational technology. Mechatronics. Electronic systems. System and controls. Do you have what it takes to take on the age?

Don't forget also the spiritual aspects of being a highly driven person, God is always there for you! Rely on his strength, submit your plans to Him and with His grace we will always pave the way through. What can your knowledge do in the betterment of humanity or is it glorifying Jesus's name?

An old post

Whilst cleaning my email of the numerous drafts that I have written, I uncovered some writings dated since 2010. I actually have no idea what I was thinking when i wrote it, I still don't understand certain parts of it or the motives of it. haha. Here goes:


The Clock

tick tock tick tock,T
here it goes the hands of the clock,
Irreversible seconds as time flock,
A growing past and a shrinking future,
Merciless is time as it teasingly croaks,
A windy road I used to walk,
Sharp turnings which made my heart scream stop,
Torrents of meaningless suffering as I continued to walk,
The purpose of life I always have sought,
Until I met with the abundance of the grace of God,
Windy roads made straight guided by the Holy Spirit of God,
A purpose that I have sought, returned with eternal hope,
All this from the price paid of the One,
The One whom I call my saviour, my friend, my father and my Lord.

A month, a week, a day,
Oh how fast time fades away,
The day of present becoming a memory of past,
Moments of anguish and of pure bliss,
Moments of entrapment and of enlightenment,
All these, in a cruel cycle, again and again as the sun sets and the moon rises,
Becoming a distant relic carved in the invisible depths of the heart,
A brief candle twas compared to,
An unexpected wind and the final flight departs,
Eternal light or dark,Only God can judge.


GPS- God Presence Seeker

Selah

It's the second day of chinese new year, and I'm already feeling mentally and physically drained.

Such a wet towel right? haha. I totally felt like a introvert today, fighting the never ceasing urge to be alone in my room but refused to do so as to join in the festivities of the season. 

I don't know what I was lacking today, but I sure found it again in the Lord.

As I raised my hands in worship alone, His presence overflowed, and I felt alright again.

It's unexplainable, it's almost magical but it ain't no trick.

I don't want to sound like a religious nut but I guess I am if you can't see the view of everything from here. (not in a physical sense)

It's amazing. Purely amazing. 

Funny (Or maybe I'm funny for thinking I can see Him) that I can never get to see how He looks like when I think of Him; There's so many images of Jesus's face all over the media. 

But if there's one thing I can see, it's His smile when I seek Him in my secret place.

I can't explain it but maybe this verse can.

Psalms 91:1-2

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High

    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,

    my God, in whom I trust.”

That's a wrap

I don't remember what it was like 
To look in your eyes, and feel the love 
Feel no surprise, for it was enough

- What have I done by Joshua Hyslop

Listening to songs whilst sipping a cup of coffee, feeling the urge to write something yet no inspiration comes forth, reminiscing but finally am ready to move on. 

Opening my heart to future possibilities, opening my thoughts to endless fruitful ideas.

Leaving the baggage of the past, accepting them as things that were never meant to be.

To seek self improvement, not for anyone's sake, but for His glory alone. 

“Forget the former things;   
 do not dwell on the past.
 See, I am doing a new thing!    
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. "                   

 -Isaiah 43:18-19

Stopped and looked at myself baffled,

that I found myself in an endless spiral of denial. 

Till the next morning

Black monologue

Staring at the ceiling, waiting as the clock ticks.

Drained from the day, cancelled my appointments.

Weeks of preparation, balls of paper fill the bin,

Just for a hope of a short glimpse which didn't happen.

I might be over thinking matters, I might not.

Frequency doesn't mean anything, does it?

Would it make things easier if I didn't go for the many things?

I guess it doesn't matter, I just happened to be there.

I suppose the friendship's the same, I just happened to know the same people.

It's been this way since the first day,

What else am I suppose to say other than it's okay?

Despite the mask of a smile and thoughtless jokes, it hurts a lot inside. 

To love is to be vulnerable? But being vulnerable doesn't mean a person should take that for granted.

I'm tired of things they way they are already, they never do change.

My heart is in pieces, and fragments of it will remain here,

But I suppose I'll have to leave those fragments behind, to seek a new beginning. 

It's hard to say goodbye, but it's something I might have to do. 

Money matters

A few days ago, as I was pondering on the thoughts on whether I had paid my tithes already (cause I honestly don't remember if I did or didn't), I thought about sweets. Those mini cavity inducing sugar bombs with artificial colouring.

I likened that giving tithes can be related to a little boy with ten pieces of the same candy (which happens to  be his favourite). The bible tells us that we ought to give one tenth of our earnings to God. Thus in relation to the boy with the candy, he is 'suppose' to give one candy out of his ten to his daddy. It's his favourite candy, he'd obviously want to keep it all for himself. As the inner battle of whether he'd give the candy, he thought, my daddy bought me these ten pieces of candy, why does he want one piece from my so measly amount of candy? He could have bought more if he wanted to eat some. Relenting, the boy gave a piece of candy to his dad.

Many of us are like that little boy who's given candy albeit different amounts of candy from one person to another. Having the same mindset of the boy with the candy, we seem to think that money is the entirety of all that we should treasure. In these terms, parting with our money is seen as a big sacrifice to a lot of us (me included). Blinded by our idol-ism of this resource, we forget about the person who gave it to us in the first place. Not our boss, not our parents but it is none other than (ultimately) our Lord. Why does he want one tenth of what we earn? He definitely doesn't need it up there. After much guilt of not doing the right thing, we relent, we give that one tenth.

There's something amiss here. We're not getting the point of giving to God that measly (to Him) one tenth of our earnings. I repeat the question: Why would God want our one tenth when he could easily spawn enough money to fill the oceans to the brim in less than a breath?

It all boils down to one thing, love. As how a dad would teach his son on being a generous and loving person from the giving of that piece of candy, God is teaching us to love our neighbours as ourselves. As a believer of Christ, there is no greater sacrifice than that of which was done on the cross of Calvary by our resurrected Lord, Jesus Christ. If we cannot give to Him, when He has given us so much, who else can we give? or rather who else would we give if we cannot give to Him.

As how a parent would reward their son (who gave a piece of candy) with even greater things than just mere candies, the Lord is looking at how He can bless us and provide to us an abundance of everything that not even the world can hold it in. All this, through our obedience to Him.

That is, my friend, the love of a Father.

From miles and miles away I came to see what He seeks,
Often parched from the journey and feeling weak,
Always does He lead me to a creek,
Where the living waters flow clearly without a bleak,
Here I am bound by His mystique,
To know a glimmer of the blessings He promises to the meek,
It is where I realize that it is all about the heart of worship.
That is what the Father truly seeks.

Goodwomenproject.com

A friend showed me a post on this site and i stumbled upon another post which is pretty good.

It's titled the Art of Change