Grief

Broken like glass it started to shatter,

Thoughts going about looking for an answer,

Of how and why things could ever transpire,

In such a way that felt like a nightmare.

The lingering thought caused my heart to grow tighter, 

Couldn't breath. Couldn't grieve. The atmosphere turned darker,

The way out was blocked by an unseen boulder,

Succumbing to the darkness of pain, the heart is losing it's glimmer.  

Looking towards the great altar,

Seeking the only Healer,

That can take out this feeling, so bitter. 

Note:
*This was written on my dad's passing*

Traveller

In a recent post which I happened to chance upon on my facebook feed, there was an article which mentioned of the possibilities that humans beings (us) are not native to this planet. It mentioned of the many ailments that continue to afflict us as we strive to live on this floating piece of rock we call earth. Obviously, I find the article to be a complete joke as it's purely based on speculation. However, from another perspective, is it a joke or is there an ounce of truth to be gleaned from this article.

For I am a stranger with You,
A sojourner, as all my fathers were. 

For all the passing years in this humanly existence, I find myself, alone (in terms of human to human connections). Though you may beg to disagree but under the guise of existentialism, do you not groan in anguish of heart. Does anyone truly understand and feel like they belong in this hostile world which hides itself in its blanket of familiarity and ignorance. Some may say that friends and family do understand, but when you stop trying, does the relationship stop too?

We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone. - Orson Welles

Where do you belong?
Where do you belong when no human mind can comprehend the inner workings of your own soul.
Where do you belong when the tears are flowing and the silent cries fill the empty night.
Where do you belong when all you see are just people passing by in the happiness of their own bankroll.
Where do you belong when all you come back to is to just wait for passing by of another night.

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

Who and where can I seek help from?
Who can I seek help from while seeing the many around me struggling in their own path
Where do I seek help from in this mess of a world, where people just consider you a burden

I look up to the mountains
    does my help come from there?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth!

I am but a traveler in this foreign and strange world waiting for the time to come when He will come to bring me home.

Psalm 143

Come quickly, Lord, and answer me,

for my depression deepens,

Don't turn away from me,

or I will die.

Worlds Apart - Jars Of Clay

I look beyond the empty cross

forgetting what my life has cost

and wipe away the crimson stains

and dull the nails that still remain

More and more I need you now,

I owe you more each passing hour

the battle between grace and pride

I gave up not so long ago

So steal my heart and take the pain

and wash the feet and cleanse my pride

take the selfish, take the weak,and all the things I cannot hide

take the beauty, take my tears

the sin-soaked heart and make it yours

take my world all apart

take it now, 

take it now

and serve the ones that I despise

speak the words I can't deny

watch the world I used to lovef

all to dust and thrown away

Bearing the cross

Unspoken horrors,
Unmistakable consequences,
Unable to wake up from these nightmares.

What is it to hope in the Lord?
What is it to have joy in Him?
I thought I knew but I guess I was mistaken.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.


Hard pressed but feeling almost crushed.
Perplexed and on the brink of despair.
Persecuted with an empty feeling of being forsaken.
Struck down countless times but not destroyed, left wheeling in the mud, left wheeling in helplessness.

Certainly my body is dying, as well as my spirit. What life is there to hope in when my hopes are always cut off. I am tired of being delivered to death. I'm tired of this endless battle with no end in view.

Lord, just have mercy on me. If you push me any more, I might not make it for the grief would be too big to even to desire to live. Take it all from my shoulders, take it all from my hands. Avert this cup of wrath, deliver me from these flames.

Wisdom

Everyone enjoys a fitting reply,
It is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time.

-Proverbs 16:23

My dear boy

Dear Nyan,

You wouldn't imagine the joy I had when I opened my eyes with you in my palms. I even had a massive argument with my mum over the issue of keeping you and Bru in my room. Nevertheless it was days of pure joy having you. You were so shy initially but I guess you couldn't contain that sense of adventure-ness in you eh? Next thing I know, you were jumping and running to all corners in my room. Nyan..you were the most affectionate rabbit I ever had although you did nibble on my toes on purpose to make me stroke your fur..you little rascal. hehe.. you were also the first rabbit who liked to lick me on the face.. I guess you liked me too!

Those quiet little moments of watching you play and make laps around me made me feel like a father watching his little son play around..occasionally jumping on my lap just to jump off when I try to catch you. You liked to lie down beside me in the room and always followed me about..I even have videos of your little mischievous acts!

The fickleness of life, one moment you're here and the next moment you're not. I still remember the soft warmth you had when I held you in my arms yesterday. I hope you were glad to see me as I was really happy to see you but not in that weakened state of course.

There are so many things I wish I could have done for you...I'm sorry I was not there with you in your last moments.. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. My dear little son..you made papa feel so happy and loved.

My dear son, you will always be in my heart. Goodbye.

Days

A soft warmth in the palms which resulted in a bitter sweet sense of joy,
A torment of arguments as opposite tides crash against another.. holding two innocent souls in their hands,
An aftermath of silence to respect the coming of the new year,
A regretful and sorrowful parting as they leave,
A gift it was, but it was never meant to stay.

Goodbye Nian and Bru