On Writing & Thoughts

To the dearest person reading this,

It's been awhile since the last post. I'll honestly diagnose myself as a perfectionist sort-of writer/person, I've a ton of drafts and half written poems which have not seen daylight. This is something that I've always had to deal with in all areas of my life, especially when it comes to writing.

Perfectionism, a refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.

Why so hell bent on being perfect when there's really no such thing. Perfectionism is only a state of mind and of course an opinion of oneself's work. It represents a never-ending torment of strife to mask the truest nature with a facade of eloquence of words, or should I say the apprehensiveness of showing your weaknesses and to make yourself bigger than who you really are.

Of course, all this being a conversation within our-self.

And everyone says: I've lost you here.

So what is this all about. It's about showing authenticity. It's about revealing the truth of your own persona. The underlying point: Weaknesses

Embrace it. Weakness isn't a curse word.
It's an opportunity to grow. It's an opportunity to connect. It's an opportunity to know that there's a strength that perfectly compliments your weakness. It's an opportunity to know that you are loved for who you are. It's an opportunity to live life to the fullest.

You have hope.
You are accepted.
You are beautiful.
You are loved.

Stop the facade, start life.

Humanity & Convenience

I was born in the booming age of technology. I have seen how technology, like the internet, has grown throughout the years. I have experienced my fair share of internet related issues. For example, on the unimaginably slow (by today's standards) dial up internet we all once had, where streaming videos were simply unheard of; downloading movies was a thing for the distant future. Also, on how I always needed to scramble to find a pillow big enough to muffle the horrendous and unmistakable wailing tone of the dial up modem whenever I lost connection and needed to reconnect in the middle of the night.

Technology has brought great conveniences to the lives of many, things seemingly impossible a few years ago are achievable within the boundaries of a few swift clicks of the mouse. Interactions with human operators through the phone are now seen as the last dreadful resort in resolving issues which tend to end up with additional distress and more unresolved issues. I'm sure you've read something written like this a couple of million times in your office cubicle, wondering of the questions of life in the midst of our procrastination, but I'm not one who would be qualified to judge, as I'm writing this at work. *grins*

The question remains: are we trading our humanity for the convenience of technology?
Writing letters are unheard of these days and are often reduced to marriage invites (which I'm getting a lot, another topic involving age) with pre-written scripted sentences mass produced for millions of people around the globe. Where has humanity gone wrong in our conquest of technological convenience? Is there a way out of this? How far are we being reduced to a society with an ever reducing threshold for patience and an ever increasing satiety for everything convenient? Even our human interactions have been shaped by this growing trend. Friendships are out of convenience. Marriages are out of convenience. Even meeting our family members for dinner become a matter of convenience.

As mentioned by Philip Larkin in his famous line from "An Arundel Tomb",

What will survive of us is love. Letters fulfill and safeguard this prophecy. Without letters we risk losing sight of our history, or at least our nuance. The decline and abandonment of letters - the price of progress - will be an immeasurable defeat

To end this, I leave with you a final question (hypothetical), to win in this endless race of technology, are we trading in the warmth and humanity of our souls?

 

Clean slate

Romantic relationships. It's a blessing and it's a bane. All at the same time.

It's been a couple of years since my last relationship, plenty of close calls in between which never materialized.
A handful of times where my heart was crushed to smithereens and a handful of times where I did the same to others. All these, shall I say occurrences, leaving a baggage in the heart.
Baggages continue to pile as time passes, some big, some small and some you won't notice at all, but still there occupying a space.

I've wronged, I've been wronged but alas all the same, still the same sad ol' song. 

To those whom I have wronged, forgive me for my stupidity and ignorance. I for one, did not mean to do the things that had broken your heart. I hope that you find the grace to forgive me and move on.

To those who have wronged me. For the sleepless nights. For the tears that will never see the light. For everything and anything that is holding you back. With all my heart, I forgive you.

So, here's goodbye to the feelings in the past and here's hello to the possibilities of the future.

Questions of Identity

I am, therefore I do
I do, therefore I am

Are your actions and works based on your identity?
or

Is your identity based on your actions and works?

If one day, you stop doing a certain set of actions, does that invalidate your identity?

Look in the mirror, look at yourself.
Think.
Who are you?

When pushed to the absolute pits of helplessness, what is the basis of your will to live? Fear?
What is your life's dogma?
Why are you on this planet? Just another mere existence waiting to perish?
Do you believe that you have a great destiny? What is the basis of your belief?

So, what is your identity?

So many questions.
Only one answer.

Flight

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint

Isaiah 40:31

Emptiness amidst fulfilment

With each stride forward or back, we leave footprints in the soil of our heart,

With every step we take, it leaves a deep indentation on our heart and our soul,

A hollow mark waiting to be filled, yet... I ask, what can fill it?

Success? Passion? Enthusiasm? Commendation? 

As the wind of memories pass over these holes, it whistles a song,

A song of the marching footprints, a song of it's hollowness,

With every note heard, the heart breaks a little,

What am I doing wrong? What am I doing right? Insecurities build up. 

Is it not merely just emptiness in the wake of success?

With every thought of being a salt and light amongst my colleagues and friends. I am made to think about the things I say, the things I do, on trying to keep everyone happy but it's just beyond my limit in these things. Sometimes I'm guilty of momentarily subscribing to the devil's lie that people to a certain degree, are just cynical to whatever good news I bring. If success breeds jealousy, what is the entire point?

These are the times when I'm reminded that success means nothing without the fulfilment and purpose in life that God can bring. Also times when I'm reminded that the Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer. The times when I'm reminded that my success is to the Lord's glory and not to mine.

The reminder that even Jesus had it bad with his own community he grew up in as a man. A reminder of the cross I will have to bear in my life with His strength.These are also the times where I'm thankful for the favour He has shown in my life.

Jam jam jam

Jam oh jam, how far from terrific,

If you're not the type to be slabbed on a piece of pancake,

You make life rot away like an incurable epidemic,

And certainly caused many legs with many aches,

And let's not forget the grumbling stomachs,

The sea of red lights which is a view so scenic,

The problem is that the view becomes so static,

That you make me wish that I was a wizard who can fly away with a broomstick,

But all is not loss if I'm able to chat with a spirited and cute chick,

So I do count my blessings, but all this writing is making me carsick.
HEEHEE

フォワード

Looking at the experience of the past
I saw how I changed as a person.

Looking at the baggage I left behind.
I saw; i felt, the relief and healing.

Looking to the future.
I saw hope and victories.

Looking to the relationships.
I saw the many possibilities but never the certainty.

Looking at my family and friends
I saw their love for me and how blessed I was.

Looking to Him.
I saw the only thing I ever needed.

That's a wrap

I don't remember what it was like 
To look in your eyes, and feel the love 
Feel no surprise, for it was enough

- What have I done by Joshua Hyslop

Listening to songs whilst sipping a cup of coffee, feeling the urge to write something yet no inspiration comes forth, reminiscing but finally am ready to move on. 

Opening my heart to future possibilities, opening my thoughts to endless fruitful ideas.

Leaving the baggage of the past, accepting them as things that were never meant to be.

To seek self improvement, not for anyone's sake, but for His glory alone. 

“Forget the former things;   
 do not dwell on the past.
 See, I am doing a new thing!    
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. "                   

 -Isaiah 43:18-19

Stopped and looked at myself baffled,

that I found myself in an endless spiral of denial. 

Forlorn

To what limits do you satisfy the lust for the world,
When all the truths are just burled,
Masked by lies laid as rampant as the ocean waves swirl.

To what ends do you hold on,
When all that you believe in..is just a con,
Hope asunder; cries unheard till the morning dawn,

Pain which rips apart the heart already so..so torn.
Nobody there who understands the road you have gone,
Or perhaps the empty façade and forced smile drawn.

Saying to yourself....just smile and carry on..

To your first love you have forgone,
The everlasting Hope in which the world was built on since eons,
His love for you; He has never withdrawn,
"Come back to me"..He whispers.. true joy to you.. I will bestow upon.

My heart breaks for those that have turned their back on Him, yet he always waits, for the day that the lost shall call upon Him again.

Time

Like a fading candle,

Separation is inevitable,

Intimateness is nothing but a short giggle,

It rises like the brash sound of a loud cymbal,

and fades with a silent hush which is barely a whistle.

Memories of the past, oh the sweet jewel.

But it cannot patch a wall that is in crumble,

Nor give life to an old fossil.

I look at the once youthful,

And wonder where the promises of old have gone to,

Maybe just a thought which is merely hopeful,

But alas, forgotten like rusty shrapnel. 

Life?

As numerical codes and theories flood the last days of my university life, I am reminded of many things which come and go, like a falling leaf in the autumn sky.

What is man without God?
Only but an empty vassal lost in its purpose,
Seeking fulfilment from the futility of worldly distractions, whilst harbouring in himself a growing dissatisfaction.

What is hope without God?
Only a lie, a mental crutch, where there is no possible human explanation for such things.
Men will always fail each other, it is a given. In these endless failures, where is the credibility of "humanly" hope?

What is morality without God?
In a life devoid of His words, what is the basis of morality, basic social laws, and family systems?
Why do we do what we do to people around us?
What governs your basic actions such as courtesy?
To make another person feel better? What is the basis of making another person feel better?
Is it not just hypocrisy on your part if you do not have a basis of doing good at all?

Step up

Pitter, patter.. of the things that matter,
Meaningless things bring about a meander,
Losing focus on the real treasure,
Wisdom calls but only to folly do we surrender,
As things go bad we just blame another.

Lord oh Lord,
Do remember,
Your servant whom you promised hope when his heart was torn asunder,
For I ask for my focus to not scatter,
Only through Your strength will I will not falter,
In these times which really matter,
As your vassal I pray that your glory shines forth forever.

Detachments

There and here,

Like a fickle connoisseur,

Company which only comes with beer,

or perhaps others who only expect you to adhere.

Refusal to see past our own frontier,

Just stuck in our own silly sphere,

Ignorance at its best and it ain't the first premiere, 

Words that won't reach no matter how sincere.

A reminder: Colossians 2

2 I want you to know how hard I am contending for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. 2 My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, 3 in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. 4 I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. 5 For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.
Spiritual Fullness in Christ


6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, 7 rootedand built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.


8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces[a] of this world rather than on Christ.


9 For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, 10 and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority. 11 In him you were also circumcised with a circumcision not performed by human hands. Your whole self ruled by the flesh[b] was put off when you were circumcised by[c] Christ, 12 having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through your faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead.


13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you[d]alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.[e]
Freedom From Human Rules


16 Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. 17 These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ. 18 Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you. Such a person also goes into great detail about what they have seen; they are puffed up with idle notions by their unspiritual mind. 19 They have lost connection with the head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow.


20 Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: 21 “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? 22 These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. 23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

Ending

The times shall come to an end,

Marked by the fires of the coming King,

Knowledge of this had already been penned,

Through John when he was dreaming,

From heaven our Saviour shall descend,

His reign on earth, the believer's blessing,

Thinkers and philosophers, the gospel will offend,

To the faithful it is surely dazzling.

A shade of grey

Every time my hopes are high,
Always a case where fulfilment were nigh,
"Tumbling down it comes", I hear it cry,
My heart as it makes an expression so wry,
Wrenching it is but I have no other choice than to comply,
When this hope wishes to rekindle like the promise of a rainbow in the sky,
I have given up before, but my heart cannot lie,
Of the scarce but sweet memories of you in the months even before July,
Or even the way you say hi,
Leaving a taste of joy and hope which is so sly,
Burning you off when you get too close like the fire burns the attracted fly,
I sometimes wonder why'd I even try,
So do I or do I not say goodbye,
For this is the last chance I'll ever give my heart to you before it loses it foci.

May the resolve & discipline be with you.

It's time for a change. A permanent change. Spiritually, Physically, Studies.
Its going to be tough, but it's going to be worth it! Now lets run the good race and bring glory to Him!

Centered

Jesus at the centre of it all,
Jesus at the centre of it all,
From beginning to the end,
It will always be,
It's always been you, Jesus.

What I wouldn't give

What I wouldn't give to give you a call and be able to forget it all

What I wouldn't give to hold your hand while being more than a friend

What I wouldn't give to hear your voice and be one the reasons you rejoice

What I wouldn't give to make you smile cause it'll make it all worthwhile

What I wouldn't give to go with you on a romantic walk, we'd be so compatible like a pair of the same sock

What I wouldn't give to know you more, and lead you into growing more and more in Christ our Saviour

What I wouldn't give to spend my life with you by my side.

God has plans and if He wills it, I'll accept it.

So in the meantime I pray for doors to be closed for the wrong ones and doors to be open for the right

Hopefully I'll be able to meet you soon, my perfect one :)