Bearing the cross

Unspoken horrors,
Unmistakable consequences,
Unable to wake up from these nightmares.

What is it to hope in the Lord?
What is it to have joy in Him?
I thought I knew but I guess I was mistaken.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.


Hard pressed but feeling almost crushed.
Perplexed and on the brink of despair.
Persecuted with an empty feeling of being forsaken.
Struck down countless times but not destroyed, left wheeling in the mud, left wheeling in helplessness.

Certainly my body is dying, as well as my spirit. What life is there to hope in when my hopes are always cut off. I am tired of being delivered to death. I'm tired of this endless battle with no end in view.

Lord, just have mercy on me. If you push me any more, I might not make it for the grief would be too big to even to desire to live. Take it all from my shoulders, take it all from my hands. Avert this cup of wrath, deliver me from these flames.