Post mortem - Part 1?

Yeah I'm going to write 2 posts today. That's right folks (or to whichever random person who reads this blog, I don't update it often). Today's a good day.

This is part 1. There might be a part 2. might, depending on my mood swings and schedules.

So how has my 2012 been?

• Yet again.. yet again...The old man up there never fails to surprise me. My faith in Him has grown in such a mind-blowing way that it's utterly unimaginable. I'm not saying I'm super holy or whatever, I'm just saying I'm in total awe of his goodness and faithfulness to me and my family. It's crazy man, just bonkers. If you're somehow reading this Lord, thanks! haha.

• In July this year, all hope to graduate was kinda bleak (almost non-existent) yet He provided a way. He told me that this is the way He'd do it, and true to his word, that's the way it went (with prayer and faith, amen!). There's no hope better than hope in our beloved Saviour! Ask me for a personal testimony if you wish to know, hahaha.

• My family's safe, healthy and happy. Thank God for that. 

• I'm still happily single, still am waiting for that person whom He thinks will suit me the best. But.. I got a good feeling about 2013. I don't know why but it's a good feeling. I wonder who you are, my beloved girl :D. I can't wait to meet you, hold you in an embrace worthy of this wait. 

• So I'm going to work soon. I hope I get into an O & G company or an Aeronautical company!

Okay, time for bed!

Forlorn

To what limits do you satisfy the lust for the world,
When all the truths are just burled,
Masked by lies laid as rampant as the ocean waves swirl.

To what ends do you hold on,
When all that you believe in..is just a con,
Hope asunder; cries unheard till the morning dawn,

Pain which rips apart the heart already so..so torn.
Nobody there who understands the road you have gone,
Or perhaps the empty façade and forced smile drawn.

Saying to yourself....just smile and carry on..

To your first love you have forgone,
The everlasting Hope in which the world was built on since eons,
His love for you; He has never withdrawn,
"Come back to me"..He whispers.. true joy to you.. I will bestow upon.

My heart breaks for those that have turned their back on Him, yet he always waits, for the day that the lost shall call upon Him again.

Over and over again

One thing I had in mind,

Two ways that it can be designed,

Three times it had been refined,

Four AM and I'm still in a bind.

Time

Like a fading candle,

Separation is inevitable,

Intimateness is nothing but a short giggle,

It rises like the brash sound of a loud cymbal,

and fades with a silent hush which is barely a whistle.

Memories of the past, oh the sweet jewel.

But it cannot patch a wall that is in crumble,

Nor give life to an old fossil.

I look at the once youthful,

And wonder where the promises of old have gone to,

Maybe just a thought which is merely hopeful,

But alas, forgotten like rusty shrapnel. 

Life?

As numerical codes and theories flood the last days of my university life, I am reminded of many things which come and go, like a falling leaf in the autumn sky.

What is man without God?
Only but an empty vassal lost in its purpose,
Seeking fulfilment from the futility of worldly distractions, whilst harbouring in himself a growing dissatisfaction.

What is hope without God?
Only a lie, a mental crutch, where there is no possible human explanation for such things.
Men will always fail each other, it is a given. In these endless failures, where is the credibility of "humanly" hope?

What is morality without God?
In a life devoid of His words, what is the basis of morality, basic social laws, and family systems?
Why do we do what we do to people around us?
What governs your basic actions such as courtesy?
To make another person feel better? What is the basis of making another person feel better?
Is it not just hypocrisy on your part if you do not have a basis of doing good at all?

Step up

Pitter, patter.. of the things that matter,
Meaningless things bring about a meander,
Losing focus on the real treasure,
Wisdom calls but only to folly do we surrender,
As things go bad we just blame another.

Lord oh Lord,
Do remember,
Your servant whom you promised hope when his heart was torn asunder,
For I ask for my focus to not scatter,
Only through Your strength will I will not falter,
In these times which really matter,
As your vassal I pray that your glory shines forth forever.

Priorities

Okay, so there's approximately 4 more weeks till the end of the semester, and a lot, I mean a lot of work to do before this supposedly, hopefully and prayerfully final semester finishes.

So my commitments from now on until the final paper of my exams.

- No more computer games. So to my friends who are reading this, please don't tempt me in this time.
- Futsal only once a week. Gosh this is going to be so hard.
- No youtube-ing after 11.30pm. *edit* i'll make it to 1am instead -_-

This is going to be a hard fight, but it'll be a good fight! and the good fruit that is to be born at the end will be worth it! Cause God is good!

Can I hear an Amen!

Adieu!

Hebrews 4:12

For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.

The End.

Well that escalated quickly.

Detachments

There and here,

Like a fickle connoisseur,

Company which only comes with beer,

or perhaps others who only expect you to adhere.

Refusal to see past our own frontier,

Just stuck in our own silly sphere,

Ignorance at its best and it ain't the first premiere, 

Words that won't reach no matter how sincere.

A reminder: Colossians 2

2 I want you to know how hard I am contending for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. 2 My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, 3 in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. 4 I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. 5 For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.
Spiritual Fullness in Christ


6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, 7 rootedand built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.


8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces[a] of this world rather than on Christ.


9 For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, 10 and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority. 11 In him you were also circumcised with a circumcision not performed by human hands. Your whole self ruled by the flesh[b] was put off when you were circumcised by[c] Christ, 12 having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through your faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead.


13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you[d]alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.[e]
Freedom From Human Rules


16 Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. 17 These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ. 18 Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you. Such a person also goes into great detail about what they have seen; they are puffed up with idle notions by their unspiritual mind. 19 They have lost connection with the head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow.


20 Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: 21 “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? 22 These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. 23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

Ending

The times shall come to an end,

Marked by the fires of the coming King,

Knowledge of this had already been penned,

Through John when he was dreaming,

From heaven our Saviour shall descend,

His reign on earth, the believer's blessing,

Thinkers and philosophers, the gospel will offend,

To the faithful it is surely dazzling.

Petición

Hearts asunder,

Words a blunder,

The torn gets a snicker,

By believers through slander.

Efforts totter,

As hopes stutter,

The steward in sombre,

By the words of a believing prater.

Wake up, wake up, oh you foolish slumberer,

I plead to you as a repentant brother,

Don't you see that we have only been a spoiler,

Whilst being called to be God's own vicar.

See the lies by the evil tempter,

Do not partake in the avocations of a sinner,

Lest we be disqualified by heaven's own sifter,

Repent oh repent my dear brothers and sisters.

Let us be Christ's own spotter,

The plans of the enemy we shall always sever,

Through faith in Christ our one true saviour,

And the power of the Holy Spirit as our daily skipper.

αντίμο

Faith like a child,
Can often be misfiled,
To believe even when you're beguiled,
To love despite being reviled,
To have patience whilst being riled,
All this, our very own LORD's brainchild,
Defiance of logic; against the norm of society's values of being selfish styled,
Suffering and abuse against Him it unpiled,
And yet through it all.. He still smiled.
That is, my friend, a faith of a child.

A shade of grey

Every time my hopes are high,
Always a case where fulfilment were nigh,
"Tumbling down it comes", I hear it cry,
My heart as it makes an expression so wry,
Wrenching it is but I have no other choice than to comply,
When this hope wishes to rekindle like the promise of a rainbow in the sky,
I have given up before, but my heart cannot lie,
Of the scarce but sweet memories of you in the months even before July,
Or even the way you say hi,
Leaving a taste of joy and hope which is so sly,
Burning you off when you get too close like the fire burns the attracted fly,
I sometimes wonder why'd I even try,
So do I or do I not say goodbye,
For this is the last chance I'll ever give my heart to you before it loses it foci.

Bearing the cross

Unspoken horrors,
Unmistakable consequences,
Unable to wake up from these nightmares.

What is it to hope in the Lord?
What is it to have joy in Him?
I thought I knew but I guess I was mistaken.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.


Hard pressed but feeling almost crushed.
Perplexed and on the brink of despair.
Persecuted with an empty feeling of being forsaken.
Struck down countless times but not destroyed, left wheeling in the mud, left wheeling in helplessness.

Certainly my body is dying, as well as my spirit. What life is there to hope in when my hopes are always cut off. I am tired of being delivered to death. I'm tired of this endless battle with no end in view.

Lord, just have mercy on me. If you push me any more, I might not make it for the grief would be too big to even to desire to live. Take it all from my shoulders, take it all from my hands. Avert this cup of wrath, deliver me from these flames.

Expectations

This is just a random train of thought of which I have just come upon.

*inserts the "I like trains" clip from the asdf movie*

I believe and do think that certain christians, a minority of them, are the biggest self inglorious hypocrites of all time. Now let me speak in a first person view for an easier explanation of the thoughts in my mind, so I'll utilize the word "we" but God forbid that I ever become or am such a hypocrite myself. If I am, please do tell me or perhaps give me a slap on my right and left cheek. So with disclaimers in mind, I am representing the minority of self inglorious hypocrites without being one myself, of course if I am one, I'd probably top the list with this hypocritical post.

So, with that in mind, we as self inglorious hypocritical christians or SIHC in short (my fingers are too lazy), think that we have all the problems in the world facing us and we're all alone in the epic struggle to achieve a rather comfortable lifestyle. < HELLO, does it ring a bell here? > Everyone suffers, c'mon! Not only you, you dingbat SIHC. but as Christians we're called to revel in such suffering which is also can be referenced as one of the fruit of the spirit, long-suffering.

Okay, I'm going straight to the issue here. To you SICHs', please do not expect other Christians to be perfect and go all self righteous when we accidently wrong you cause we are not perfect, if you want a perfect expectation then there can only be one person you can look for which is our Lord Jesus who is the epitome of perfection!

So go eat a sock and cover your fingers with 10 layers of thick wool gloves so that I don't hear nor see any typed rant posts from you on social media websites about how people have disappointed you and yada yada jaja binks.

Well. okay, that's about it from me now. Time to go back to studying.

Wisdom

Everyone enjoys a fitting reply,
It is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time.

-Proverbs 16:23

Jesus Saves - Travis Cottrell

May the resolve & discipline be with you.

It's time for a change. A permanent change. Spiritually, Physically, Studies.
Its going to be tough, but it's going to be worth it! Now lets run the good race and bring glory to Him!

Being different and same.

What is being close to someone? To know their flaws and to be able to accept them nevertheless but would the process to accept those features of a person be immediate? You can't expect one to be able to do that overnight can you? 

People say conflict are necessary in relationships. I don't believe so, it's a process of giving and taking, and more giving and taking and more and more of the same thing. It's akin to a dance, one can't simply dance alone or dance to two different rhythms. 

Why do people like to argue? Can't everyone be understanding and open minded? Its in such a fickle of hard headedness that I find myself barely able to contain the temptation of lashing out verbal "advice" on such individuals. I can't cope with individuals like that and I refuse to be sucked in their own idealistic selfish views of how life should be. 

As I'm writing this post of broken and cryptic paragraphs, anger is setting in. I have grown to realize the magnitude of hate I have for this new age culture of boy girl relationships. For example, a just say yes policy for men towards their spouses. You may say that I won't understand cause I'm not married, you're very correct because I won't ever marry if it's going to be like this. Grow some balls men, it's a give and take process in a relationship and marital sex is not a favour from the wife to their respective husbands, its a responsibility that both parties have for each other.

Now lets not get strayed, this isn't about men or women, it's about different individuals.

Bersih 3.0

8am - The morning began with a rushed sense of excitement mixed with a tinge of fear for the things to come. What if I got arrested? What if this.. what if that... oh mum is going to kill me if she finds out.., but it was all drowned out by the fact that I was running slightly late to the meet up point.

9am - As we made our way through the Federal, I was quite astonished at the lack of traffic. I was expecting massive delays due to the predicted roadblocks and it really didn't help with the fact that almost all of  us (except me) were dressed in our yellow bersih T. Brandon even made a little bet that there wouldn't be any jams at all.

10am - Plan changed. We needed to move out from Sentral. We thought it'd be better to walk from Sentral to Kota Raya (one of the meet up points)

10.20am - A large group of  policemen formed a human line in which we were nonchalantly ask to go back where we came from. As we were figuring out a way to make it to through the barricade, the crowd grew. The people were clueless, as if waiting for someone to lead them out of their confusion. 

10.30am - Our little troupe's number began to grow steadily. As we were leading the way to an alternative route (through Brandon's gps), the numbers that followed us grew, it was at this point of time that I looked back and saw an endless stream of people with yellow shirts following from the back. I thought to myself, our little group made a difference today. Thank God for gps and guidance to clear routes!

11am - Loud and deafening cheers of "Bersih, Bersih, Hidup Bersih" greeted our eyes as we arrived at Petaling Street. It was a sight to behold, the people were united, regardless of race, religion or culture. My heart swelled with the pride of being a Malaysian.

12pm - Irritation set in as we were baked under the scorching hot weather in Central market. Multitudes began to gather in Central market which were one of the main meeting points. But.. I didn't want to stay there, I wanted to go to Dataran Merdeka! Isn't it the whole point?

12.15pm - We barely avoided a barricade of policemen who were barring the gathering crowd from entering the vicinity of Masjid Jamek. 

12.30pm - Our chances were not good. The police sealed off all roads leading to Dataran Merdeka with barbed wire. We sat and cheered under the hot scorching weather. 

2.50pm - The first few rounds of tear gas were fired. It was the end of the march. The crowds steadily pulled back to avoid being in the midst of the countless cannisters of tear gas fired at us. 

3pm - We were cornered. Tear gas all around us and a truck with dual water canons signalling impending doom. We had no choice, we braved through the road with the least tear gas. The burns to the face were painful. My eyes caught some of the tear gas and obviously as the name of the weapon suggested, most of us were choking, coughing with tears of pain running down our faces. I cried but it was manly tears alright.

3.45pm - We managed to escape the barrage of tear gas canisters as we sought refuge in the nearby Church. Truly God is good, He provided a way of escape for us. 

4pm - It was the end of the rally for us, we decided to call it a day but the rally was still ongoing with sound of the people chanting "Bersih Bersih" and also.. the sound of tear gas being fired upon them. We took a detour around petaling street to avoid the FRU. 

5pm - We arrived back in Sentral and the bunch of us went back to our respective homes. 

Centered

Jesus at the centre of it all,
Jesus at the centre of it all,
From beginning to the end,
It will always be,
It's always been you, Jesus.

Being alive?

What is being alive to you? Pursuing your dreams and passions? Doing something you like? Being somewhere in a place you dreamed of going to?

I don't know about you, but what I know is that throughout these years, I've not been able to find any other satisfaction than being alive in Jesus. Sure we can pursue our interests and stuff, or even buy our favourite weapons and tools of mass distraction. But in the end of the day, they don't really give you a full wholesome feeling of fulfilment.

I guess my point in this post is the whole issue of being a watered down believer of Christ. I mean we are called to make disciples of all nations, being His light in the darkness of the world and a host of other things in our own circumstances. But to what extent do we fulfil these heavenly obligations? To what extend are we so entranced by the word-ly temptations and pleasures that we even forget what really matters the most. Are we serving Him with the best of our capabilities and time? Or are we blinded by the whole mushy side of God-will-understand so I can do whatever I want to do at this moment of time. Whose priorities come first? God's? Yours? Your family's? Your friends? Think about it. 

But friends, I'm not condemning you for this, in fact I am equally if not more guilty in these matters. I have come to comprehend this and it is probably not the first time I've realized it. The devil has his ways of blinding us in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives. BUT that gives us no reason to be complacent. It takes a little effort to know but a major effort to act. Knowledge is useless without Action. 

I just pray that you and I will be able to run this race and not be weary, to be able to say as Paul was able to say, I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

Whut?

You look past all the evidences,
You ridicule His supremeness,
You toy around with His people's reason or idea of happiness,
You poison the younger minds and bring them into darkness,
That is until.. you find yourself one day in the heat of the furnace.

Where is your hope now and that so called boldness?
With drops of tears streaming down your face which seemed countless,
Inside you wished that there was someone to save you from this helplessness,
But being stubborn you hold one to your prideful ideas that are baseless,
Looking down at the devil's evil grimace,

Hope is there even for the heartless,
Forget about those little quotes from Horace,
For there is a great and living God who is peerless,
Who suffered the wrath of mankind's sin and malice,
Initiated with a kiss from one of His disciples ever so treasonous,
He came to die on the cross even though He was blameless,
And He was resurrected for death could not hold His holiness,
His work on the cross was a gift to us which is so priceless,
Eternal life with the one and only Lord whose reign is endless,

Now do you see past your blindness?
Its fine, cause He's always there for you cause He is the one and only saviour, Jesus!





To be or not to be is not a reason for you to satiate your evil curiosity,

What I wouldn't give

What I wouldn't give to give you a call and be able to forget it all

What I wouldn't give to hold your hand while being more than a friend

What I wouldn't give to hear your voice and be one the reasons you rejoice

What I wouldn't give to make you smile cause it'll make it all worthwhile

What I wouldn't give to go with you on a romantic walk, we'd be so compatible like a pair of the same sock

What I wouldn't give to know you more, and lead you into growing more and more in Christ our Saviour

What I wouldn't give to spend my life with you by my side.

God has plans and if He wills it, I'll accept it.

So in the meantime I pray for doors to be closed for the wrong ones and doors to be open for the right

Hopefully I'll be able to meet you soon, my perfect one :)

Bleh

It's how I'm feeling at the moment.
Everything seems so lacking, everything seems so bleh.
Maybe its the decaffeinated coffee I'm drinking, or maybe it's the fact that I'm sick.
Where art thou o enthusiasm, where art thou when I need you.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

NO                 NO      NOOO           NOOO         NOOO         NOOO
NONO            NO   NO      NO     NO      NO    NO     NO   NO      NO
NO     NO       NO   NO      NO     NO      NO    NO     NO   NO      NO
NO         NO   NO   NO      NO     NO      NO    NO     NO   NO      NO
NO            NOOO   NO      NO     NO      NO    NO     NO   NO      NO
NO               NOO   NO      NO     NO      NO    NO     NO   NO      NO
NO                  NO      NOOO           NOOO         NOOO         NOOO

Class is starting tmr and it's at 8am. sobs.

Because of You

In times of need you have indeed answered, for that I thank you. :)

I will praise the Lord,
and may everyone on earth bless his holy name
forever and ever.

Uncertainty

Splendid

Hugely awed to the point of tears every time I hear Pavarotti's Nessun Dorma. His voice transcends the simple lyrics and you are left in awe as he brings you along a tale of happiness, sadness and ultimately a never dying spirit of victory. Such an emotional roller coaster which you will never find in music nowadays.

My dear boy

Dear Nyan,

You wouldn't imagine the joy I had when I opened my eyes with you in my palms. I even had a massive argument with my mum over the issue of keeping you and Bru in my room. Nevertheless it was days of pure joy having you. You were so shy initially but I guess you couldn't contain that sense of adventure-ness in you eh? Next thing I know, you were jumping and running to all corners in my room. Nyan..you were the most affectionate rabbit I ever had although you did nibble on my toes on purpose to make me stroke your fur..you little rascal. hehe.. you were also the first rabbit who liked to lick me on the face.. I guess you liked me too!

Those quiet little moments of watching you play and make laps around me made me feel like a father watching his little son play around..occasionally jumping on my lap just to jump off when I try to catch you. You liked to lie down beside me in the room and always followed me about..I even have videos of your little mischievous acts!

The fickleness of life, one moment you're here and the next moment you're not. I still remember the soft warmth you had when I held you in my arms yesterday. I hope you were glad to see me as I was really happy to see you but not in that weakened state of course.

There are so many things I wish I could have done for you...I'm sorry I was not there with you in your last moments.. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. My dear little son..you made papa feel so happy and loved.

My dear son, you will always be in my heart. Goodbye.

Hi byes

Hello I'm your present, treasure me well cause in no time I'll be your past.

Why hello there! I'm your future, how's the present? Make sure you don't leave any regrets for me to handle.

Days

A soft warmth in the palms which resulted in a bitter sweet sense of joy,
A torment of arguments as opposite tides crash against another.. holding two innocent souls in their hands,
An aftermath of silence to respect the coming of the new year,
A regretful and sorrowful parting as they leave,
A gift it was, but it was never meant to stay.

Goodbye Nian and Bru

To be somebody

Sometimes the only Bible a person is going to ever have the chance to read is

You

Heartfelt wishes

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing to you,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer

Psalms 19:14

Wondering.s

As they glance about, eyes become locked to each other. 

An almost awkward sensation of silence occurs but only for the slightest of seconds.

Glance away they do, pretending it never happened.

Alas, the hook has been cast and the dotted lines are now connected.

Is this not the scenario which usually happens? The start of something joyful and hurtful at the same time, nevertheless the start of something.

A scenario of unexpected endings which mostly turn rather sour

Lashing the hearts with unimaginable scars, turning from one to another seeking only for a consolation of what may have been.

Companionship is but an over popularized term they say, "I do not need such things" but the lies are shown in their faces for such things are all that they long for. Hypocrites and liars, excuses and denials, when will the pain ever stop, when will men ever learn to be honest.

Hide they do, in the ever impregnable shield called belief and religion, wait they say but avoiding is all that they do. 

A sign they wish to find but none will be given for their hearts are already decided, a farce it is to blame belief and religion.

Grateful

Just came home, 

Came into the house to find that everything's normal, everything's is as it always was.

Dad's home, car keys on the tray, mum's bad habit of using her cup and placing the unwashed cup by the water flask.

Certainly I've lost a lot in my past, but I thank the Lord for what He has given me this very night, healthy family members in safety, a house to live in and the hope only He can give.

Thank you Jesus :)