Feelings

There I was, lying on my bed thinking about the memories and moments I had spent with my dearest one. Thoughts of losing that very person was echoing persistently in my head. I wondered if I wasn't there for her anymore..how she would feel and how I would feel about it. My heart began to ache in agony as if it was thrown onto a bed of spikes..I knew that I couldn't lose her..but.. as some say, things don't always go as planned.. I hate that phrase.. I trully do..
As my mind pondered on the thoughts of losing my special one, tears of sadness flowed down my cheeks..drop by drop..it flowed.. I tried so hard to stop thinking about it but the thought circled around my mind in an endless spiral of torture. What if i died? what if I were gone? ..who would be there for her? cheering her up and being there for her when she needs it the most. Earlier in the night.. I had a chat with her.. well she told me her true feelings about being together with someone and all that i could do was to hide my feelings inside..I couldn't tell her what I wanted to tell her..well..lets say the timing was not right.. sometimes its hard to carry on smiling and pretending to think that everything will be alright..its hard.. sometimes I cry at night thinking of moments of separations not just with my girl but with my family members.. I wouldn't want to leave or be left behind by everyone i hold dear to my heart..especially my girl.. right now.. she's all i could think of, you may think that I am obsessed but when you trully love someone...that very person is all that you can think of....................................
My feelings are mixed up right now..... you readers reading this blog.... have you ever felt the feeling of losing something or someone you love very much? I had.. well.. my dog died quite a few years back but the thought of her still remained fresh in my mind. After she died, i always regretted that I didn't spend enough time with her..treat her more better.. and there i was heart broken..not for a human but for my dog..my very 1st heart break.. From that day on.. I made a promise to myself that If i ever found someone that i trully loved, I would treat her as affectionately and lovingly as I ever can..cause you never know when they will leave you behind.. leaving behind memories of regrets and of the things that you didn't do.....
Right now.. i can't think of anything... but.. i can only hope.. that hearts are not meant to be broken..