On Writing & Thoughts

To the dearest person reading this,

It's been awhile since the last post. I'll honestly diagnose myself as a perfectionist sort-of writer/person, I've a ton of drafts and half written poems which have not seen daylight. This is something that I've always had to deal with in all areas of my life, especially when it comes to writing.

Perfectionism, a refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.

Why so hell bent on being perfect when there's really no such thing. Perfectionism is only a state of mind and of course an opinion of oneself's work. It represents a never-ending torment of strife to mask the truest nature with a facade of eloquence of words, or should I say the apprehensiveness of showing your weaknesses and to make yourself bigger than who you really are.

Of course, all this being a conversation within our-self.

And everyone says: I've lost you here.

So what is this all about. It's about showing authenticity. It's about revealing the truth of your own persona. The underlying point: Weaknesses

Embrace it. Weakness isn't a curse word.
It's an opportunity to grow. It's an opportunity to connect. It's an opportunity to know that there's a strength that perfectly compliments your weakness. It's an opportunity to know that you are loved for who you are. It's an opportunity to live life to the fullest.

You have hope.
You are accepted.
You are beautiful.
You are loved.

Stop the facade, start life.

I'll give it my all, why?

Because of one that the world will die,

and through another that the world will live,

Because of our sins that on the cross he laid to die,

that through his blood, eternally will I live,

Because of his grace that I will not shy,

and all of my heart to him I will give,

Because of his hope that will never run dry,

that I will never stop to believe,

Because of his love that is as vast as the sky,

and to this it fuels my life's motive,

Because he gave it all up for me,
I will give my all back to him.

Grief

Broken like glass it started to shatter,

Thoughts going about looking for an answer,

Of how and why things could ever transpire,

In such a way that felt like a nightmare.

The lingering thought caused my heart to grow tighter, 

Couldn't breath. Couldn't grieve. The atmosphere turned darker,

The way out was blocked by an unseen boulder,

Succumbing to the darkness of pain, the heart is losing it's glimmer.  

Looking towards the great altar,

Seeking the only Healer,

That can take out this feeling, so bitter. 

Note:
*This was written on my dad's passing*

Word of Life

The Word of God is not meant to bring shame and condemnation upon us, but of conviction which leads to the surrendering of our sinful nature;to bring it to death, and to embrace the nature of God who is joined with us in one spirit.

Where will you go when you die?

Where will you go after you die?

I'd rather live a life with a divine purpose and passion, than to live a fleeting life chasing things called comfort and entertainment.
I'd rather die in peace, than to die in distress.
I'd rather be right about not going to hell, than to be wrong about heaven.
I'd rather choose an eternity in paradise, than an eternity in damnation.

Book review: Every Day by David Levithan

What began with single quote, ended up with one of the most memorable written stories I've ever read.
I found this book purely through accident as I was browsing through Goodreads. This book is also my first book I ever purchased online. I kid you not, I actually thought it was so good that it deserved to be purchased. If I could summarize this book in a few sentences, this book would be a book in which I would simply hang individual pages on the wall -all framed up-. The quotes are simply marvelously I-will-make-your-heart-flutter kind of quotes. If you ever needed a book or a love story to make you feel the butterflies, it would be this book. The only qualm I have about this book is that it should have a sequel. The story seems, to my dismay, to be left hanging. Last two words for this book: Read it!

“I am a drifter, and as lonely as that can be, it is also remarkably freeing. I will never define myself in terms of anyone else. I will never feel the pressure of peers or the burden of parental expectation. I can view everyone as pieces of a whole, and focus on the whole, not the pieces. I have learned to observe, far better than most people observe. I am not blinded by the past or motivated by the future. I focus on the present because that is where I am destined to live.” 
― David Levithan, Every Day

Humanity & Convenience

I was born in the booming age of technology. I have seen how technology, like the internet, has grown throughout the years. I have experienced my fair share of internet related issues. For example, on the unimaginably slow (by today's standards) dial up internet we all once had, where streaming videos were simply unheard of; downloading movies was a thing for the distant future. Also, on how I always needed to scramble to find a pillow big enough to muffle the horrendous and unmistakable wailing tone of the dial up modem whenever I lost connection and needed to reconnect in the middle of the night.

Technology has brought great conveniences to the lives of many, things seemingly impossible a few years ago are achievable within the boundaries of a few swift clicks of the mouse. Interactions with human operators through the phone are now seen as the last dreadful resort in resolving issues which tend to end up with additional distress and more unresolved issues. I'm sure you've read something written like this a couple of million times in your office cubicle, wondering of the questions of life in the midst of our procrastination, but I'm not one who would be qualified to judge, as I'm writing this at work. *grins*

The question remains: are we trading our humanity for the convenience of technology?
Writing letters are unheard of these days and are often reduced to marriage invites (which I'm getting a lot, another topic involving age) with pre-written scripted sentences mass produced for millions of people around the globe. Where has humanity gone wrong in our conquest of technological convenience? Is there a way out of this? How far are we being reduced to a society with an ever reducing threshold for patience and an ever increasing satiety for everything convenient? Even our human interactions have been shaped by this growing trend. Friendships are out of convenience. Marriages are out of convenience. Even meeting our family members for dinner become a matter of convenience.

As mentioned by Philip Larkin in his famous line from "An Arundel Tomb",

What will survive of us is love. Letters fulfill and safeguard this prophecy. Without letters we risk losing sight of our history, or at least our nuance. The decline and abandonment of letters - the price of progress - will be an immeasurable defeat

To end this, I leave with you a final question (hypothetical), to win in this endless race of technology, are we trading in the warmth and humanity of our souls?

 

Desert days

Today I stumbled on some notes I took during a sermon a few years back, it was entitled " Do's and don't-s -- During your desert days ". I'm pretty sure everyone had a season of dryness, a season where nothing seems to be happening, where activity seem abuzz but satisfaction or purpose seem to be absent. Don't fret, here's a little something to help you along the way.

DON'T.....

1. Don't lose your balance
2. Don't make irreversible decisions during emotional low times, or rather, don't make rash decisions. 
3. Don't isolate yourself through disappointment!
4. Don't doubt in darkness what God has shown you in the light!
5. Don't lose your confidence in God
6. Don't lose your joy!
7. Don't stay in the corner through disappointment

DO....

1. Let your disappointment lead you to God
2. Make a quality decision to help people in need
3. Guard your emotional energy against emotional leaks
4. Use your desert time to get a clearer calling or goals
5. Cast your care upon God
6. Be patient with God and let patience complete it's perfect work
7. Realise that obstacles are part of God's purpose to mould and empower us

When boy meets girl

I don't believe in coincidences nor do I even believe in luck. Everything happens for a reason, big or small, you name it all. And in the clichéd words of the many who have possibly written something like this before, it started with a hello ;)

“The moment you fall in love feels like it has centuries behind it, generations - all of them rearranging themselves so this precise, remarkable intersection could happen. In your heart, in your bones, no matter how silly you know it is, you feel that everything has been leading to this, all the secret arrows were pointing here, the universe and time itself crafted this long ago, and you are just now realizing it, you are just now arriving at the place you were always meant to be.”  - David Levithan, Every Day

Traveller

In a recent post which I happened to chance upon on my facebook feed, there was an article which mentioned of the possibilities that humans beings (us) are not native to this planet. It mentioned of the many ailments that continue to afflict us as we strive to live on this floating piece of rock we call earth. Obviously, I find the article to be a complete joke as it's purely based on speculation. However, from another perspective, is it a joke or is there an ounce of truth to be gleaned from this article.

For I am a stranger with You,
A sojourner, as all my fathers were. 

For all the passing years in this humanly existence, I find myself, alone (in terms of human to human connections). Though you may beg to disagree but under the guise of existentialism, do you not groan in anguish of heart. Does anyone truly understand and feel like they belong in this hostile world which hides itself in its blanket of familiarity and ignorance. Some may say that friends and family do understand, but when you stop trying, does the relationship stop too?

We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone. - Orson Welles

Where do you belong?
Where do you belong when no human mind can comprehend the inner workings of your own soul.
Where do you belong when the tears are flowing and the silent cries fill the empty night.
Where do you belong when all you see are just people passing by in the happiness of their own bankroll.
Where do you belong when all you come back to is to just wait for passing by of another night.

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

Who and where can I seek help from?
Who can I seek help from while seeing the many around me struggling in their own path
Where do I seek help from in this mess of a world, where people just consider you a burden

I look up to the mountains
    does my help come from there?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth!

I am but a traveler in this foreign and strange world waiting for the time to come when He will come to bring me home.

Monologue Monday

*knock*

*knock*

*knock*

Who's there? Anyone?

---------

Ah it's you! Didn't see you there, come on in, must've been some pretty rough traffic coming here. I heard over the radio that there were some road accidents causing a crawl. 

---------

*plop* Is that enough sugar you have in your cocoa? I've got some marshmallows if you fancy. The secret to longevity some say *wide grin* So what do I owe for a fine lad like you visiting an old geezer like me in this horrid weather. I must say that it was pleasant surprise, the scones you brought the other day were dandy! Went perfect with the tea I ordered from Gujarat. It's in India, if you didn't realise. The spot where me and my lovely... ah.. forgive this old fool for blabbering on. How was your day?

---------

Oh is that so? The trailer drove off the road? Those wretched drivers, I really don't know where'd they get their licenses from. Probably bought them, if you ask me. There's not a single day where they don't cause a fuss, they just can't bloody drive properly. My blood boils thinking of them.

---------
Alright alright, I'll cool down. Anger does no good to this old heart. How was the rest of the day?

Boldness

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen events, meetings and material assistance which no one could have dreamed would have come their way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now!”

- W. H Murray

Dreams

.. we returned to the rally point. It was complete, our last job. We were greeted by an empty park which seemed silent beyond words.

" So, what are your plans after this? " I said.
" What else is there to plan, see my wife and kids obviously! I don't know about you, but this job made me realise that I can't be doing this forever. The thought of one day not being able to come home to see their warm smiles strikes a chord in me, " he muttered.
" Haha, Mr tough guy mellowing up eh, talking about the little devils, your kids are over there," I said toyingly.
" Oh, stop it you.. *ufff*.. Hey jack, how many times do i have to tell you not to head butt me on the family jewels ". He lifted his son up and proceeded to greet his wife and his daughter with one big hug. Fitting, for a man of his size. Sometimes I wonder of how'd he even find such a petite wife who seems to not mind his, well, rough mannerism.

" Good morning my dear, I hope this big brute here didn't get in the way of the assignment like he always does " as I was greeted by the warm smile of Marty's wife. "Like I always say Mary, he's the brains and I'm the brawn," as my partner tried to defend himself, only to be greeted with a playful belittling chuckle from his wife. They were madly in love with each other, it was pretty obvious to anyone who talked to them.
" Alright, shall we go and get ourselves some pancakes with the kids, Mary? We wouldn't want to take Wilson's precious time away. After all, he'd want to see his beloved wife doesn't he. hahahaha, " said Marty with a big hearty laugh.
" Good day to you then Wilson, do drop by for some dinner when you have the time " mentioned Mary.
I nodded and smiled as they made their way across the park towards their car.

" HEY WILSON! TAKE CARE BUDDY ", shouted Marty as he waved goodbye.

I strolled along the park, looking for that special spot where she would always be, waiting for me. With the sight of falling leaves everywhere, I realised that it was autumn which gave the park a rustic charm about it. Especially with the serene lake which covered the major portion of the park, reflecting the soft rays of sun, orchestrating a light display on the trees surrounding it.

There she was, fast asleep on the bench. She must've waited quite a while, I thought to myself. I proceeded to greet her with a soft whisper to her ears," Hey, it's time to wake up darling ". She proceeded to let out a long yawn, well, she wasn't exactly the most graceful person when it came to waking up.
" You sure did take your time ", she said while rubbing her eyes and giving a half yawn.
" Well the job this time was pretty tough, but it's fine, there aren't any more after this", I said as I looked into her eyes with a smile. She smiled back in acknowledgement. She had been waiting for this moment, all these years, the moment where we could just spend our days together forever without any worries of whether I'd be there to greet her at the same ol' spot in the park after each assignment.

We gazed at each other with our hands held tightly together, fearing that this moment was only a fleeting dream, we wanted this moment to last. From the first time I met her, I've always been attracted to her eyes. Those beautiful eyes which seemed so soft and inviting to gaze. Those eyes which make all wrongs to become right. Those tender eyes which makes you utter.. I'm home.

Just as we were prepared to make our way back, a mother and his son seemed to be looking at us with a searching gaze.
" Hey mum, I thought I saw two people here, where did they go? " said the son.
" It must be your imagination, there's no one here," said the mother. They walked away while looking back occasionally at where we were standing.

Our hearts sank. Time seemed to be running out. After all these hard years, couldn't we just spend some time together for once.
" We've lived that long huh," she said in a soft manner.
" I believe so, it's like we've become ghosts or phantoms," I said in a dejected manner.
" What if one day, I became invisible to you and we'd not be able to hold each other any more, nor can we talk to each other face to face, nor can we look at each other's eyes like we are doing right now, " she asked as tears started to roll down her cheeks.
" Even if that day were to come, I'd still love you with all my heart. I would come to this bench every day in every season in hopes that I'd see you here waiting for me," I said as tears started to stream down from my eyes as well. "After all, I'd be waiting expectantly for the messages through the phone because I know, you'll always be there" I added with a faint smile.

No more words were needed to explain the depth of love we had for each other. As we looked at each other, both teary eyed, we began to walk home, grasping our hands tightly, not wanting to let go, fearing that at any moment, we would disappear from each other's plain sight.

There we were, two phantoms of time, making our way up the stairways of the park, disappearing with each passing moment.

"Darling, I'll always love yo....", she said in the faintest voice. She was gone.

"Don't worry, I'll be there soon my love", I said, kneeling down in tears.

Clean slate

Romantic relationships. It's a blessing and it's a bane. All at the same time.

It's been a couple of years since my last relationship, plenty of close calls in between which never materialized.
A handful of times where my heart was crushed to smithereens and a handful of times where I did the same to others. All these, shall I say occurrences, leaving a baggage in the heart.
Baggages continue to pile as time passes, some big, some small and some you won't notice at all, but still there occupying a space.

I've wronged, I've been wronged but alas all the same, still the same sad ol' song. 

To those whom I have wronged, forgive me for my stupidity and ignorance. I for one, did not mean to do the things that had broken your heart. I hope that you find the grace to forgive me and move on.

To those who have wronged me. For the sleepless nights. For the tears that will never see the light. For everything and anything that is holding you back. With all my heart, I forgive you.

So, here's goodbye to the feelings in the past and here's hello to the possibilities of the future.

Musings

Seasons come and they go. We're all on mountain highs and the next thing, we're at valley lows.

Storms come once a year, or maybe more. The scary thing is not knowing if this calm is after or before the storm. Doesn't really matter. No it doesn't. I suppose. It's because we're all sailors. Sailing on a ship called hope. With the cross shaped mass draped in a sail made of purpose which drives us on the wind called destiny. Sailors who thirst for adventures beyond the normalities of the things which drives us to the point of being absurd. But it's fine right? Definitely, why wouldn't we be fine if the Captain is none other than Jesus. But it still won't be easy. Towering waves will still come. But the hope won't sink and the cross will never be broken. A purpose driven by the ever changing destiny but nothing can escape the Captain's eye who steers us forward along the ocean. An ocean called life. The ends of the ocean waiting to reveal itself as we await the Captain to shout along the arrival of an eternal age of glory. 

Bookmarks!

Watching the clock tick while having absolutely nothing to do in the office can be an excruciating thing to do, so what should you do to spend your time? Read of course! Here's a link to a few of the sites I visit quite often.

1. One of my favourite sites for every skill a man needs, and they do come out with particularly good articles especially the one entitled "The Majesty of Strength" < The majesty of strength >
2. Who said Christianity related things were boring, here's a comic strip to prove you wrong!
   < http://adam4d.com/ >
3. After all the fun clicking on page of wikipedia after another in your office, get kicked back into your sense with a dose of reality and responsibility with this article "How to glorify God at work" < how-to-glorify-god-at-work >
4. Yeah i know, it's not an article, well listen to it while you read the links above then! heehee. This song has been stuck in my head for awhile now! Introducing.... *drum rolls* Gerald Ko singing a cover for the song (You exist in my song)  < "我的歌聲裡" >
5. Dead man's poem! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nnu3L-Grn-0

kthxbai

Questions of Identity

I am, therefore I do
I do, therefore I am

Are your actions and works based on your identity?
or

Is your identity based on your actions and works?

If one day, you stop doing a certain set of actions, does that invalidate your identity?

Look in the mirror, look at yourself.
Think.
Who are you?

When pushed to the absolute pits of helplessness, what is the basis of your will to live? Fear?
What is your life's dogma?
Why are you on this planet? Just another mere existence waiting to perish?
Do you believe that you have a great destiny? What is the basis of your belief?

So, what is your identity?

So many questions.
Only one answer.

The heart so wretched

I felt the breeze of the mountain top,

The muddiness of life slowly washed away as the rain drop,

Life's why's, the if's and the what's

Traded in the serenity of a lonely tear drop.

As we make our way down from this stop,

Did we ever wonder what that muddiness was all about,

Striving each day to fulfil the never ending wants,

The joy of freedom for the chains of the world, we swap.

We read God's word like a mythical fable from Aesop,

Going to the words of comfort and treating it like how a fickle woman window-shop,

Avoiding the truth which we need to confront,

Confession of the downtrodden soul and the wretched heart.

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God

As the Father's voice gives us a prod,

The soul laud, and the heart thaws.

For I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

Joy

Blinded by the devil's ploy,

Being played by the wicked plans like an helpless toy,

The devil's only purpose being to steal, kill and destroy.

But remember, God's plan is sovereign,

We are His children which He will never abandon,

He lifts us up when we are heavy laden.

From the maddening depression,

To the very limit of alluring temptation,

I endured patiently in this wretched prison.

Came one day, I heard a whisper from heaven,

Felt like soothing rain from the living waters of His fountain,

A much sought after encounter in the mountain of Zion

I found joy in the midst of ruin.

Anchored in Christ

Taken from Our Daily Bread, 15/8/2013.

We have an anchor that keeps the soul,
Steadfast and sure while the billows roll;
Fastened to the Rock which cannot move,
Grounded firm and deep in the Savior’s love.