bleah...

I'm so tired.. mentally and physically, so many things has happened these past few days.. family problems, money problems, health problems and even a close brush with death. It feels tired to maintain a smile everyday and it makes me wonder why and who am I doing this for.. for myself? far from it.. its like having something stabbing ur heart every moment..yet you can't do anything about it or even talk to anyone about it. Even if you do talk to anyone about it, no one will ever understand what goes through your mind, yea u can say that friends do "help" by giving words of advice or even telling you what you should do but all their "help" just makes you feel miserable about yourself and it creates an utmost sense of self-pity which really breaks yourself up. Talk all you want about your problems but I personally think that no one will really be able to comprehend or grasp the real situation of the events happening in your life. For example, historians or journalists write about the details of the war in Iraq.. bloodshed.. foreign ppl abducted and killed.. civilians killed in bomb blasts..terror strikes again..blabla yada yada.. and things like that. Ppl can write about those things but the feelings are just not there. Civilians killed? Did your own family member die due to the blasts? most probably No.. so are u able to put urself in the shoes of the people who had suffered losses? No.. you see.. it finally comes to a point where you can't and will not understand the pain someone is going through when he or she encounters a problem or becomes involved in mentally and physically damaging chain of events. Every thing that happens ..well.. it happens for a reason.. and the factors implicating these events differ from one individual to another individual. As the implicating factor differs.. a particular problem or event will yield different results with different people. Sounds complex? I don't know what I'm talking about too.. ok.. lets simplify it.. lets say that person (A) and person (B) lost $10 at the same time and place. Person (A) gets screwed for losing 10 bloody bux by his or her parents but Person (B) just goes on with his life without a bother. So its the same problem but with different consequences.
So to people who think they have the right to criticize someone who encounters certain problems which they have gone through before ..think again.. you may have gone off the hook easier compared to other people. So think about what you say before giving "helpful advice".
This brings me back to the main point of this particular post which I am sure that you will be confused at this point. No one will be able to completely help you with your own problems.. only You can solve the problem yourself. If you can't solve it ...well suffer with it and learn to embrace it.. its only thing you can do..For my problems..the only thing I can do is to embrace the mental and physical torture and watch as more related problems and unwanted events unfold before my eyes.
Its funny thinking how people react to other people's problems. The most common question they would ask is " Are u okay? " ...really.. that question fustrates me.. I have a fucking problem and u ask me.. am i okay?! No i am not fuckin okay..if i was okay i won't hv any problems at all.. zzz.. so if ur trying to be nice to someone who is having a problem just be sensible enough to ask smart questions.