Reflections of the past

Hey Mr. October, how have you been? me? I've not been doing good at all. It has been an eventful month I must say, a month of utter disappointment and a season of spiritual dryness. I've lost sight of God, I've even lost that last piece of intimate support I had but I do have to.. Thank God for family, a home cooked meal placed on the table everyday at home no matter how late I come back. Thank God for friends, being there when I need someone to laugh with. After all, laughter is the best medicine. Don't you agree?

Mr October, you've been rather harsh on me this month, don't you think? From being spiritually dry to just being plainly broken inside. I thought I had patched things up but apparently I used the wrong sort of glue. Remnants of the past still leaked in. Stupid cheap glue, you take too slow to dry. 

I broke a heart this month. Didn't you hear Mr October? I even broke my own heart again in the process, to even smaller bits and pieces. Talk about hitting two birds with a stone. I should be a sharpshooter in profession. My broken heart? I don't really care anymore. Its always broken. I don't think it would be repairable in a while. I never bothered mending it in the first place. I know I know, I shouldn't have let another heart in. I am already regretting it okay? Don't mention it anymore. I guess the heart got broken by the sharp broken pieces of my own heart. I hope the heart which i broke wouldn't be that broken. I'm so sorry for that. I hope you find one that heals your heart. I don't want to risk breaking your heart again. Well on a new note, I'm thinking that I don't think I'll let anyone else in..well other than God of course because He's invulnerable! God mode! I should quarantine it really. Its like a sure case heart ache infection when in contact with my heart. 

On another note, I heard God has some pretty effective glue. I'll start picking up the pieces first. I really wish I could help you with your pieces, but I guess you hate me now, don't you? 

Mr October, sometimes I don't know what love. Is love giving up your life for another person? I always get dreams of instinctively sacrificing myself for others. Weird, I think I love myself enough not to do something like that but then again Its not about loving yourself in those situation anymore, right? I wonder If my stay on this Earth will be a long one or a short one. Only God knows. Sounds grim, change of topic!

Ahhh, Mr October, your gonna go off work soon. It'll be time for Mr November's shift next. Make sure you stay long enough for me to finish up my studying and work alright? Goodnight Mr October! Don't fall asleep! ...well..like you ever had a choice.