Till the next morning

Black monologue

Staring at the ceiling, waiting as the clock ticks.

Drained from the day, cancelled my appointments.

Weeks of preparation, balls of paper fill the bin,

Just for a hope of a short glimpse which didn't happen.

I might be over thinking matters, I might not.

Frequency doesn't mean anything, does it?

Would it make things easier if I didn't go for the many things?

I guess it doesn't matter, I just happened to be there.

I suppose the friendship's the same, I just happened to know the same people.

It's been this way since the first day,

What else am I suppose to say other than it's okay?

Despite the mask of a smile and thoughtless jokes, it hurts a lot inside. 

To love is to be vulnerable? But being vulnerable doesn't mean a person should take that for granted.

I'm tired of things they way they are already, they never do change.

My heart is in pieces, and fragments of it will remain here,

But I suppose I'll have to leave those fragments behind, to seek a new beginning. 

It's hard to say goodbye, but it's something I might have to do. 

Money matters

A few days ago, as I was pondering on the thoughts on whether I had paid my tithes already (cause I honestly don't remember if I did or didn't), I thought about sweets. Those mini cavity inducing sugar bombs with artificial colouring.

I likened that giving tithes can be related to a little boy with ten pieces of the same candy (which happens to  be his favourite). The bible tells us that we ought to give one tenth of our earnings to God. Thus in relation to the boy with the candy, he is 'suppose' to give one candy out of his ten to his daddy. It's his favourite candy, he'd obviously want to keep it all for himself. As the inner battle of whether he'd give the candy, he thought, my daddy bought me these ten pieces of candy, why does he want one piece from my so measly amount of candy? He could have bought more if he wanted to eat some. Relenting, the boy gave a piece of candy to his dad.

Many of us are like that little boy who's given candy albeit different amounts of candy from one person to another. Having the same mindset of the boy with the candy, we seem to think that money is the entirety of all that we should treasure. In these terms, parting with our money is seen as a big sacrifice to a lot of us (me included). Blinded by our idol-ism of this resource, we forget about the person who gave it to us in the first place. Not our boss, not our parents but it is none other than (ultimately) our Lord. Why does he want one tenth of what we earn? He definitely doesn't need it up there. After much guilt of not doing the right thing, we relent, we give that one tenth.

There's something amiss here. We're not getting the point of giving to God that measly (to Him) one tenth of our earnings. I repeat the question: Why would God want our one tenth when he could easily spawn enough money to fill the oceans to the brim in less than a breath?

It all boils down to one thing, love. As how a dad would teach his son on being a generous and loving person from the giving of that piece of candy, God is teaching us to love our neighbours as ourselves. As a believer of Christ, there is no greater sacrifice than that of which was done on the cross of Calvary by our resurrected Lord, Jesus Christ. If we cannot give to Him, when He has given us so much, who else can we give? or rather who else would we give if we cannot give to Him.

As how a parent would reward their son (who gave a piece of candy) with even greater things than just mere candies, the Lord is looking at how He can bless us and provide to us an abundance of everything that not even the world can hold it in. All this, through our obedience to Him.

That is, my friend, the love of a Father.

From miles and miles away I came to see what He seeks,
Often parched from the journey and feeling weak,
Always does He lead me to a creek,
Where the living waters flow clearly without a bleak,
Here I am bound by His mystique,
To know a glimmer of the blessings He promises to the meek,
It is where I realize that it is all about the heart of worship.
That is what the Father truly seeks.

Goodwomenproject.com

A friend showed me a post on this site and i stumbled upon another post which is pretty good.

It's titled the Art of Change

Post mortem - Part 1?

Yeah I'm going to write 2 posts today. That's right folks (or to whichever random person who reads this blog, I don't update it often). Today's a good day.

This is part 1. There might be a part 2. might, depending on my mood swings and schedules.

So how has my 2012 been?

• Yet again.. yet again...The old man up there never fails to surprise me. My faith in Him has grown in such a mind-blowing way that it's utterly unimaginable. I'm not saying I'm super holy or whatever, I'm just saying I'm in total awe of his goodness and faithfulness to me and my family. It's crazy man, just bonkers. If you're somehow reading this Lord, thanks! haha.

• In July this year, all hope to graduate was kinda bleak (almost non-existent) yet He provided a way. He told me that this is the way He'd do it, and true to his word, that's the way it went (with prayer and faith, amen!). There's no hope better than hope in our beloved Saviour! Ask me for a personal testimony if you wish to know, hahaha.

• My family's safe, healthy and happy. Thank God for that. 

• I'm still happily single, still am waiting for that person whom He thinks will suit me the best. But.. I got a good feeling about 2013. I don't know why but it's a good feeling. I wonder who you are, my beloved girl :D. I can't wait to meet you, hold you in an embrace worthy of this wait. 

• So I'm going to work soon. I hope I get into an O & G company or an Aeronautical company!

Okay, time for bed!

Forlorn

To what limits do you satisfy the lust for the world,
When all the truths are just burled,
Masked by lies laid as rampant as the ocean waves swirl.

To what ends do you hold on,
When all that you believe in..is just a con,
Hope asunder; cries unheard till the morning dawn,

Pain which rips apart the heart already so..so torn.
Nobody there who understands the road you have gone,
Or perhaps the empty façade and forced smile drawn.

Saying to yourself....just smile and carry on..

To your first love you have forgone,
The everlasting Hope in which the world was built on since eons,
His love for you; He has never withdrawn,
"Come back to me"..He whispers.. true joy to you.. I will bestow upon.

My heart breaks for those that have turned their back on Him, yet he always waits, for the day that the lost shall call upon Him again.

Over and over again

One thing I had in mind,

Two ways that it can be designed,

Three times it had been refined,

Four AM and I'm still in a bind.